Album Archives - cheftummy

Chef Tummy: Never Married (Blame Country Music)

June 4, 2015 by cheftummy Leave a Comment

Years ago, my sister Lorraine showed me a list of the “Best Worst Country Music Song Titles” and I laughed until I had to change my underwear.

There were some real funny gems on this list (and these are all songs that have been copyrighted and recorded):

“Take Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye”

and

“She Made Tooth Picks Out Of The Timbers Of My Heart”

and

“If You Don’t Leave Me, I’ll Find Someone Who Will”

Genius.

So I thought “What if someone never married because they thought their marriage would be as bad as the country songs describe?”

So I wrote this song.

WHY I NEVER GOT MARRIED (I BLAME COUNTRY MUSIC)

Some one asked me why I never wed

Never walked down the aisle or shared a wedding bed

I was too scared to say “I Do” because of what I heard

On the country music radio and these terrifying words

The songs said:

“Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth “Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye”

“All I Want From You Is Away”

“I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart”

“She Got The Gold Mine, I Got The Shaft”

and the radio played

“She Made Tooth Picks Out Of The Timbers Of My Heart”

“If You Don’t Leave Me, I’ll Find Someone Who Will”

“You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat”

“My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him”

and I heard

“I Gave Her The Ring, And She Gave Me The Finger”

“If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, I Wonder Whose I’d Find On You?”

“I Want A Beer As Cold As My Ex-Wife’s Heart”

“Is It Cold In Here, Or Is It Just You?”

Is it any wonder that I never got married

You understand why I never got married

Chef Tummy Songs! YOU COOK WONDERFUL TONIGHT

May 27, 2015 by cheftummy

This is part of my Chef Tummy Sings! project where I plan to record new songs and release new masters of some of the past hits.

This is a spoof song I wrote to honor my sweetheart who was incredibly nice and charitable, but had no success in cooking. I felt telling her little white lies about her cooking showed respect for her generous heart and good nature. She did learn to cook (she learned that having the oven on “Broil” versus “Bake” for making brownies does not always save time or give the best result).

This song and other songs about food & wine and the jolly things in life will be on a new album I am recording with my friend and teacher named Dr. Don G., the 1960’s guitar maestro. We are going to launch a crowd funding campaign to help with the cost of the gear, recording session, licensing of songs, copyrights, mastering the album and the Chef Tummy World Tour 2015. More original songs and spoof songs with details about the album are on the www.cheftummy.com website.

Chef Tummy Sings! “NO SNOW” song

May 10, 2013 by cheftummy

Chef Tummy Playing A Beach Near You!

This is part of my Chef Tummy Sings! project where I plan to record new songs and release new masters of some of the past hits.

This song called NO SNOW was inspired by an older guy I worked with in a furniture factory in rural Maine (where we got a lot of snow). I asked him what he was going to do when he retired. He said “I am so sick of permanent winter. So I am planning to get in my camper van and head south until I get to a place where they don’t have a word of snow. Then I am going to park and drink beer and watch the waves come in.”

We never did hear from him after he headed south.

The Thai language does have a word for “snow” but snow has never been seen in Southern Thailand where I was living. Here is the WAV file for the song!

I played the song live on the local radio station on Koh Phangan, Thailand and got many requests, so the local DJ called it a “smash radio hit”!

More details will be forthcoming on the new Chef Tummy Sings, Again! album as I get back together with the Chef Tummy and the Beach Bums Band in Thailand.

MOMMA I’M COMING HOME

April 10, 2013 by cheftummy

This video is of a song I call MOMMA I’M COMING HOME – a satiric sendup of a rich dickhead I met while living in Thailand. This little jackass was quite rude to the Thai hotel staff he had waiting on him day and night (these folks make about $20 a day) and so I wrote a song about him having to beg money from his Momma to get back home.

Come and get it!